Obedience and Annoyance

Don't you hate it when you are obedient even when you don't want to be, and then find yourself annoyed because it lead to something you needed to learn and didn't even realize it?  Yeah me too.

And now I have Keith Green's song "To Obey is Better Than Sacrifice" going thru my head. That isn't a bad thing. It's never a bad thing to have a Keith Green song in my head. [yes, I realize that was random, but those who have known me for a while will get it]

So this post is coming from ministry frustrations.  It's not the first time it's happened, but it's the first time it's happened at my current church, The Fellowship at Scofield Farms.  We had an outreach event on Friday.  Because the pastor had another event, I agree'd to unlock the church for set up, and help with the set up.  As it turned out, I was the only one there setting up. I know things happened, but that didn't stop me from feeling hurt and taken advantage of, and therefore upset. Also, the reaction to me being upset, or more importantly the lack of a satisfactory reaction; i.e., one that included an apology and acknowledged that I was upset; left me more upset and angry at the pastor.  

I should interject that the event was pretty successful and we had over 100 people attend.

Anyway, I was upset enough that I spent Saturday still angry and childishly coming up with excuses for missing church today, but kept hearing the word "obedience" in my head. As a result, when this morning came, I decided to be obedient and go to church, even though I really, really did not want to.  The sermon topic was 'Trusting Jesus During the Storms of Life'. At one point, he was talking about trusting Jesus instead of letting your emotions run away with you; and one of the examples he used was going to church even when you don't want to. Needless to say, I was more than mildly annoyed. But this was the type of annoyance that comes from realizing I needed to hear this.

Long story short, by the end of the sermon I was in tears, but in a good way; have asked for forgiveness for my anger. It was gracefully given. Many thanks to Aimee and Sofia for the prayers and talk after church.

This isn't to say that I won't still have frustrations, or that I won't let my emotions take over, because I am an emotional person by nature; but the important thing is that I know I can still be obedient even when I don't feel like it and it's annoying.

The Bitter Sweetness of Easter Weekend

For the last several years, Easter weekend has always been bitter sweet for me.  

Let's start with the sweetness of the weekend, which the joy and hope found in Christ's sacrifice and resurrection. I'm sure the disciples didn't see that on Friday or Saturday though.  How could they?  Jesus had bee crucified and buried.  It was not until Easter Sunday that they saw the joy and started to understand what had been done for us.  So this weekend had to have been bitter sweet for them as well.  It's really the only way to truly describe great sorrow followed by great joy.

For me personally, yes the sweetness comes in celebrating the joy and hope in the weekend because I know that I will get to spend eternity with God.  The sorrow comes in being separated from loved ones.  Easter day in 2002 was the last time I talked to my mom. She passed away a few days later on April 4, 2002; 13 years ago today.  

One of mom's Glamour Shots.

Also my brother Danny passed away on Easter in 2007, April 7th, which will be 8 years ago this coming Tuesday. Danny's passing was not totally unexpected as he was suffering from complications of Multiple Sclerosis and a brain tumor.  Mom's passing however, was a total shock.  She was not only my mom, but one of my best friends.  I still miss both of them; but I also know I will see them again in heaven.  This is more joy and hope that follows sorrow.

I know there are others who understand the bitter sweetness of the weekend.  My friends from High School, Patty and Mike buried their younger brother Les on Good Friday.  Patty and I talk about it every so often as we both understand what the other is feeling.  Only those who have experienced something similar can understand.

Because of this, I think I can understand some of what the disciples and followers of Jesus felt on that weekend.  However, I have an advantage on this Saturday before Easter because I know how it ends.  The Saturday before Easter Sunday, they didn't.  I am thankful the hope I have.